Have You Ever Had That Feeling? Where You’ve Been So Hurt In The Past & When You Find The Next Guy To Treat You So Good, You Think Your Search Is Over? & You’ve Found The One? Have You Ever Felt Like You Were Meant To Bring Harm To Others? Like No Matter How Happy You Find Yourself With Another Person, You’ll Push Them Away & Hurt Them? Have You Felt Like You Were Meant To Be Alone? That You’re Meant To Break Hearts & For That Reason, You No Longer Commit Yourself? Feeling Like Your Happiness Was Really Never Meant To Last? Do You Feel Like A Bad Person At Times For Pretending To Be Happy, Knowing You’re Living A Lie & Hurting The People Wrapped Up In It? Have You?
Story Of My Life…
I SERIOUSLY HAD TO BLOG THIS BECAUSE AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND & PUZZLED AT THE SAME TIME. AM GOING TO BE MOVING INTO MY SISTERS OLD ROOM SOON BECAUSE ITS A BIT BIGGER THAN MINES & I NEED THE SPACE, ESPECIALLY WHEN FAITH GETS OLDER. WOKE UP AT 6AM TO GIVE FAITH A BOTTLE & BETWEEN THEN & NOW, I HAD THE WORST DREAM THAT GAVE ME THE ABSOLUTE WORST FEELING EVER.
SO MY SISTERS ROOM IS CURRENTLY PRETTY MUCH EMPTY, JUST A FEW THINGS IN HER CLOSET. I DREAMT THAT, FOR SOME REASON, I WALKED INTO HER ROOM. AS I DID, THE LIGHTS STARTED TO FLICKER & THE DOOR SLAMMED SHUT. I TRIED TO MOVE & SCREAM, BUT I COULDN’T!! I FELT SOMETHING GRAB ME, CONTROLLING ME & TURNING ME TO FACE HER MIRROR. AS I LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, I SEE THAT MY EYES ARE COMPLETELY BLACK!! BUT I WAS STILL ALONE, I COULDN’T SEE ANYONE THERE, BUT I COULD FEEL SOMEONE. THEN I HEAR THE VOICE OF A MAN SAYING “YOU WILL DO MANY EVIL & HURTFUL THINGS!” I TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF & GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! I HEARD NOTHING FOR A MOMENT & STILL COULDN’T MOVE!! THEN I HEAR HIS VOICE AGAIN TELLING ME, “THIS ISN’T THE END!” & THEN BOOM, I FELT ALONE, HE WAS NO LONGER THERE, I COULD MOVE & MY EYES WERE NO LONGER BLACK. I QUICKLY RAN DOWNSTAIRS LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, TOLD MY PARENTS, GOT MYSELF BLESSED & TOTALLY EXCLUDED MYSELF FROM EVERYONE! OUT OF FEAR THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY HURT SOMEONE! EVEN LEFT THE ONE I LOVE, OUT OF FEAR THAT I MIGHT HURT HIM!!
AM STILL WORRIED! :( I HOPE THIS DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING! THE WORST THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME, WAS BEING HEALD DOWN SEVERAL TIMES BY THE CHOKING GHOST & NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE OR SCREAM & HAVING SOMETHING RUN THEIR HANDS THROUGH MY HAIR! BUT NO BAD DREAMS LIKE THAT! I REALLY THINK I NEED TO GO TO CHURCH! :’(
truely HAPPY wid how tings r turnin around; i LOVE mah bbygrl &i LOVE her ddy; cnt wait tio he makes it official &we can truely say we’re a family agen; tinkin bout movin by da end of da year; bby ddy &hys mom gotta move &dere lookin foa a place &am tryna help hym; he askd me to move in wid hym kuz he wnts me to, buhh stio tinkin bout it; we c how tings go; gettin excited to finally live mah life &raise mah bby; happy family; thnk u God foa blessing me wid au da ppo i need in life; thnk u foa mah bbygrl, Faith Ann Ke’alohilani Holt-Kenui &mah bby ddy (future hubby?!) Ricky Kainoa Kenui Jr<3; LOVIN mah life big tyme ryte now!(:
Jess, if u read dis.. i LOVE & MISS u(: